K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
