so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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