Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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