You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
