Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
