he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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