Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
