Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
