I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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