I CAN MOONWALK!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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