my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
