Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
