I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
