If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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