i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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