Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
