thus making me awesome and them whores
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
