I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
