Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
