my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He felt like a one man threesome
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
