mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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