I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
