Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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