So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
