The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
