Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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