I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
