I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
