I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
