Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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