i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
