I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
