I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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