You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
