I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
