I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
