I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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