My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ok first of all what the fuck
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
