Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
