im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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