i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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