Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
