Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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