I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
