dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
