I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
