So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
