Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
