my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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