he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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