I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
