Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Im part way to drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
