I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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